I am not going to lie, when my husband announced his company was sending him to a conference he’d been wanting to attend, I got a little worried. I am really blessed to have a husband who is a web developer for a small local company who never asks him to travel for work. In fact, he took this job specifically so that he would not have to travel. The company he worked for as a consultant before this job had actually evolved into a situation where he was required to fly out of state on Mondays and fly back on Thursdays. We were so uncomfortable with that idea for our family at the time that he actually chose temporary unemployment over continuing that work schedule.
Alas, the day came, as I always knew it would, for him to go out of town for a few days. It’s a good conference, and he’ll get to spend some time away with one of his really good friends. I am very happy for this opportunity for him! Fortunately, it’s only a once-a-year thing, so he won’t be traveling again regularly.
Our normal routine is great because he helps me get the kids up and fed each morning before he goes to work, even doing it all by himself on the days I teach Pilates classes. While he doesn’t get home early enough in the evening to eat with us, he does do almost the entire bed time routine by himself, giving me a break during what I like to refer to as “evening kids insanity time”. When thinking about the trip beforehand, I tweeted the following:
Do you do this too? Do you wait for the magical hour when your husband gets home and you can share the burden of the kids for a few hours before bed?
After I tweeted this, I also reflected on how many amazing mothers (and fathers) don’t have the luxury of waiting for someone to come home and share the burden. Single parents are doing this whole parenting thing on their own ALL THE TIME. Spouses of military service people are accustomed to going weeks or even months as single parents. One of my good friends’ husband is a firefighter, and his schedule is similar to someone stationed on a military base — nearly a week away at a time.
How do you remarkable moms do it? After several days of this, I am definitely in awe. One of the drawbacks of having my husband around as much as he is: our established routines are based on two caregivers, not one. The kids are ready to get crazy with Daddy at night when Mommy is just plain worn out for the day. My daughter is used to having me all to herself for books, songs, and night-night, and my son knows his stories and songs come from Daddy. One parent is stretched a little thing trying to provide one-on-one time for both kids simultaneously.
So I did the evening and bedtime by myself and it went…OK. I’m not saying there wasn’t any crying, and there was definitely wine involved (for Mommy!), but at least no one pooped in the bathtub.
Are you a single or military mom, or someone whose parenting partner travels frequently? What kind of advice can you leave for other moms who might be dreading periods of parenting alone?
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Sadly, I was an expert at this for awhile. My husband traveled for almost 5 months Monday-Thursday. I called myself the “married single parent.” My best advice is to swallow your pride and ask for help if available. We’re fortunate to have both sets of parents in town, and it’s so important to invite them over or invite yourself to dinner. Give yourself a break!
Also, allow yourself to let go of the house. There will be plenty of time to clean when Daddy gets home, so during the week just do what you can to survive. The vacuuming can wait!
I forgot to mention that we have no family in town 🙂 I think that’s why I dread how long it is, really no way to get a break in the evenings unless Daddy is here! But we are hanging in there.
What a small world! Jenny – I am Krystal’s husband Tim and I used to work with Christian. You and Krystal may have more in common than you knew. 🙂
My husband is a consultant and travels Monday through Thursday every week. The only way I manage it is with a mother’s helper!!! I used to be a Navy wife, but didn’t have kids back then (Thank goodness)- but all of our old friends are still in the Navy, so I don’t know how they do it!