What Your Husband Can Do NOW to Support You (and Save Your Marriage)

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**This post has been sponsored by Alexandra Geczi PLLC. All opinions are 100% our own.**

22 years ago, I met a guy.

He sat across the room from me in law school. Was it his rugged good looks that drew my eye? His confidence? His self-imposed uniform of Notre Dame polos, khakis, and dark socks with sneakers?

Who knows, but I was smitten. And 22 years later, I still am.

We’ve been married for 15 years now. 15 years filled with work, more kids than we can handle, sleepless nights, endless days, and a never-ending (and often overwhelming) list of obligations.

But also love. Lots of love. And respect too. Always respect, even when we don’t agree. Especially when we don’t agree.

Here are some of the ways my husband has supported me in our marriage.

Retirement and career planning for stay-at-home moms

My husband and I started our marriage as financial equals. Same year out of law school. Big firm jobs. Equal salaries.

And then we had our 1st of 4 daughters and everything changed.

I chose to stay at the home with the kids, sometimes working part-time and sometimes no-time, depending on the needs of the family.

The transition from a life of high-powered deals to the endless monotony of taking care of kids and home was tough, really tough. And there are days where I still really struggle with it.

So how does my husband support me as a stay-at-home mom?

Retirement savings

Even if you are not the primary breadwinner, even if you are making little money (or no money), there are retirement savings options:

  • Rollover IRA: Rollover a retirement account from a prior employer to an IRA to give you additional investment options and withdrawal options.
  • Spousal IRA: Even if you earn no money, you can still contribute money to an IRA in your name.
  • Self-employment retirement fund: If you have your own business, open an individual 401(k) or a SEP IRA.

Career planning

Between diaper changes and school runs, I’ve always kept one foot in the job market. I keep my skills current. I go to networking events. I’ve worked part-time. I have my own small practice.

And my husband always supports my efforts 110%.

If I need him to take care of the kids and house while a get a work project done or go to a networking event, he does so without complaint. If I was being truthful, he probably dedicates more time and effort to marketing my little legal practice than I do.

Open communication regarding finances

It’s an easy trap for moms to fall into. You are so overwhelmed with the day-to-day management of your family and home that you let your husband take care of the finances.
Don’t do it.

Be involved with marital financial decisions. When one partner keeps the other in the dark about finances, it creates distrust and imbalances in the relationship.

My husband and I have a rule that any financial decisions over a certain dollar amount requires the prior consent of the other. Every asset is in both of our names. We both have easy access to our financial accounts. If God forbid something were to happen to one of us, the other has a clear understanding of our financial situation (as well as the user names/passwords to access accounts).

Counseling and parent coaching

My husband and I don’t always see eye-to-eye on parenting decisions. In fact, there have been two times where we had a kid dealing with significant issues and we didn’t agree on how we should handle the situation.

Both times we hired a therapist to help us talk out our positions and come up with a strategy that was acceptable to both of us.

If you and your spouse strongly disagree on an important issue, don’t be afraid to bring in a professional to help you work through it.

Consider a post-nuptial or marital agreement while the marriage is still on good terms

Okay, we haven’t actually done this one. Like doctors are the worst patients, lawyers are the worst clients.

But if I had a friend considering becoming a stay-at-home mom, I would strongly encourage her to consider a post-nuptial agreement.

Why?

It is an opportunity for you and your husband to talk opening about the implications of becoming a stay-at-home mom, most importantly, the loss of career momentum. Discuss what your respective roles are going to be and what you expect from the other. Talk about the value of your contributions to the home, your children, and your husband’s career. Making your value tangible improves the odds that your husband will value it as well.

And for the love of God please make sure you purchase life insurance covering both yourself and your husband.

You will need to consult with a good family law attorney to work out a post-nuptial or marital agreement.

Finding the right attorney

One of my top picks is Alexandra Geczi PLLC.

It’s founder, Alexandra Geczi, is committed to giving women the support, guidance, and power they deserve, whether they are negotiating a pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreement or are considering a divorce.

Alex and her team are tireless advocates for their clients. They make their clients feel comfortable and have the experience to give them confidence with the legal process.

If you are considering a divorce, Alex and her team see beyond the legal divorce process and offer outside resources to help with the financial aspects of a divorce, which for many women can be equally, if not more, overwhelming and scary.

If you are considering a divorce and are wondering where to begin, check out Alex’s guide “Divorce Explained,” which breaks it down and provides an overview of what you can expect in your divorce. For stay-at-home moms or homemakers worried about divorce, check out Alex’s guide “I Am SAHM, SAHM I Am: A Guide for the Homemaker Divorce,” which provides special insight into your situation when facing divorce.

*Special Offer*

Dallas Moms Blog readers can take advantage of a complimentary 30-minute phone consultation with Alexandra Geczi PLLC. Just mention promo code DALLASMOMS when you book your consultation. To request your complimentary 30-minute consultation, call (214) 269-4256 or click here.

Disclaimer: This post is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The information provided in this guide is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

 

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Siobhan Kratovil
Siobhán* Fitzpatrick Kratovil is a stay-at-home mom, solo attorney, and blogger. She practices in the Dallas area and specializes in business law and estate planning for families with young children. After years of conversations with other parents that started with “You’re a lawyer, right? I’ve got a question for you,” Siobhán started writing her blog Lex Mater (The Law Mother). With no legalese and a lot of humor, she answers a broad range of legal questions from parents, including what are those pesky liability waivers/releases you have to sign for every kid activity, how do you pick guardians for your kids, and her personal favorite, whose responsible when your kid’s favorite glitter shoes are stolen at an indoor trampoline park. Siobhán and her husband Chris, who is also an attorney, are the parents of four girls, Caitríona (13), Cara (10), Kelsey (8), and Claire (4). When she’s not mothering, lawyering, or blogging, Siobhán is a runner with far more passion than speed. You can find Siobhán at Lex Mater, on Facebook , on Twitter , and on Instagram. * Don’t know how to pronounce Siobhán? Don’t worry. It’s one of those impossible Irish names no one outside of Ireland can pronounce or spell. It’s pronounced “shiv-awn.”

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