The Trite is Right: They DO Grow Up So Fast

It happens to me every time I go out.  Here’s the scene. There’s me, mother of four, rushing through Target doling out goldfish and telling everyone to either, “Get back in the cart,” or “Put that back!” while promising the free bakery cookie as a reward for anyone who cooperates.  Then it happens.  Someone decides that my situation requires their comment.  They reach into their bank of trite things to say to strangers and make one of the following remarks: “You’ve got your hands full” (A sentiment for which I never feel like I have an appropriate response) or, “They grow up so fast.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard one of these comments I’d be writing this post from my yacht in the Caribbean.  My four year old has heard them so much he’s started a preemptive strike on the “You’ve got your hands full” commentators. He now says, “Yeah, we’ve got our hands full!” to anyone who looks our direction, beating them to the punch.

I remember shopping last September with my cart full (of children that is).  A woman who had visibly been crying came over and choked through the sentence, “I just dropped my youngest off at kindergarten. I miss those days.”  I tried to give her a sympathetic smile.  Though, at the time, it was hard to muster while thinking, “Lady – you are complaining about shopping by yourself?”

But, now I get it.  Well, not completely, but I’m starting to.  All those people who say, “They grow up so fast” know something that I’m, just now, starting to understand.

You see, last week my oldest started pre-K.  It’s only a few days a week. But, it’s school. It’s the start of something that doesn’t end until, well, until he’s old enough to leave home and find a way to pay his own bills.  He’ll learn things, make friends, and decide what part of his lunch he eats, all without me there.

Now, I know that many moms leave their children in the care of others far earlier and far longer than I have. But, I think there is something different about the day they leave for school.  The day that the government requires you to have them do something different than just play trains or watch Disney Channel. Something more final, more permanent, than daycare or mother’s day out.

I’m starting to think that when people say, “They grow up so fast,” they aren’t trying to be trite.  Instead, they are revealing something deeper.  It’s a lament of, “I wish I had spent more time” or, “I wish I had held her more,” or, “not been so anxious.”  Whatever their unmet desire is, it is just that, unmet.  They realize that those days are gone and the process of change and maturity necessitates that they won’t be back again.

As moms we are subconsciously aware of how our children are getting bigger.  Their clothes become too small or you notice they can reach spots on the counter that used to be good places to put things you were trying to keep away from them.  But, sometimes we are too distracted to relax and enjoy watching the change.  I spent most of my oldest son’s early years wishing for the next milestone.  You know how it goes, “Oh, if he could just sleep through the night” or, “If he could just learn to use the potty,” or, “If he could only buckle his own car seat straps.”

Then suddenly all those milestones are met and you have a little man who’s on his way to being fully independent. And, then it does “seem like just yesterday” that you were gushing over his first syllables and steps.  You do feel like you did the proverbial blink and they went from walking, to talking, to suddenly being too big to use the Elmo plate without protest.

Then you wonder if you did all that you could while you had their undivided attention.

So, my encouragement for today is to savor these moments–even if you are covered in spit-up or have had your mind numbed by Barney songs.  Maybe we all need to take a few minutes to just rest and relish the time we have with our babies, toddlers, or “big kids” because the years do go by in a flash.

And, the next time someone tells you, “They grow up so fast,” remember that they probably aren’t being trite. Instead thank them for the reminder to enjoy these days.

I’d write more…but I’ve got my hands full.