I’m the mother to five frozen embryos, my snowbabies.
After 4 children, 3 dogs, and 2 dozen farm animals later, my husband and I have decided that our family is complete. When a person/family wants to discontinue the storage of their embryos, they have three options:
- Adopt out the embryos
- Donate to research; or
I hadn’t really thought about what would happen to our frozen babies in the event that they didn’t come home with us. Going through the fertility process of In Vitro Fertilization I was ready to put all the eggs in my basket. Literally. Now, I have to decide their fate. For me, the options were putting far more pressure on me than any other decisions I had made as a mom before.
For us, each option was meticulously thought out, prayed about, and considered. We made a decision based on what was best for us. We were at peace with the final decision. The next step would be to have the documents notarized and submitted.
Signed, sealed, delivered.
As I went to put the envelope in the mail, I hesitated. What seemed so clear, so logical, so right before, all of a sudden caused a lump in my throat. The decision to not carry those embryos in my body meant that I would never carry them in my arms.
I felt as if death had struck our house again, but this time in a ̈pull at your heart strings, make you question your once rational decision, guilt-filled ̈ way. How had I gone through so much physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially to just decide I was done? My momma heart-strings were being pulled in several different directions.
The envelope eventually made its way out of my hands and into the mail. They are no longer mine.
My babies, my sweet, sweet babies,
I hoped for you, I prayed for you, and now, I’m saying goodbye.
I may never know what will become of you, or how you WILL impact the world, because honestly, you have amazing DNA. While those questions may always linger, my heart is still. You gave me purpose and hope for the future. And now, now you will serve your own purpose.
May your existence bring as much happiness to someone else as it has to me.