We all know that being a mom is more than just college jeans that will never fit again, sleepless nights that will never end, slobbery kisses, never ending meal prep, driving all over the city, party planning, boo boo kissing, potty training, refereeing, and reading the same book for the hundredth time.
Being a mom requires a certain skill set, if you will. One that is innate, simmering below the subconscious that breaks out the moment your first child is placed in your arms. My husband jokes that the last people you want to annoy is a group of moms – and he’s right; we are invaluable forces of nature who cannot be stopped.
Let’s be honest: 15 years ago this was not how I pictured my life. Instead of knowing how to assemble a gun in the dark in under 30 seconds (ah Sydney Bristow, how I wanted your life), I can disassemble, disinfect and reassemble a breast pump in the pitch dark in three minutes flat.
My name is Mom and I have a very particular set of skills. . .
I can wipe a bottom clean in one fell swoop, never dropping the baby in my other arm.
I can cook breakfast, prep dinner, eat breakfast and drink coffee all at the same time.
I can get myself and all my kids dressed and out in the door in 10 minutes flat.
I can drive, sing songs and still follow all traffic laws – safely.
I can identify every construction vehicle ever made by it’s specific name.
I can operate on 2.5 hour stretches of sleep for months, while still working full time on the job and at home.
I have momdar capabilities of finding a 1 inch toy in my 2800 sq ft house.
I cannot tell you what I had for breakfast this morning but I can tell you the dates and times of my 5 next doctors appointments, a baby shower, a birthday party, my husband’s annual exam, and my children’s teachers birthdays.
I can throw a french fry perfectly into a toddler’s hand while going 70mph down the interstate.
I. Hear. Everything. Even in my sleep.
I know who you are. I know what you want. Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.