You know? Most days I feel like a great mom. I try my best to be a great example and give my children everything they need to be successful. But why is it that when a complete stranger, another mom, or lady at the supermarket looks at me with judgment, I question myself as a mom?
I don’t think I’m alone in this. As moms and parents, we are constantly being judged by everyone around us from the time we get pregnant to the daily encounters we have with our kids. I feel like we often doubt ourselves and it’s even worse when someone points out things that would make us doubt our parenting.
Now, most of these judgments we shrug off because WE know what’s best for our kids. But there are others we hold onto. We each carry something that, if acknowledged, tears us down or makes us question if we are doing this whole motherhood thing right.
I’m a fat mom.
That’s right, I said it, I’m a fat mom. At least that’s what I believe others see is my biggest downfall as a mom.
Flashback: It was a Wednesday and we headed to a local park as we do most weeks. We get out of the house a lot, and this day I was trying to keep up with my three-year-old! It had been a great week and we were having a great day. As I played with my son, I noticed a few friends I know from a local mom’s group.
I saw them…they saw me.
My internal dialogue went something like, “I don’t fit in with this group, they don’t want a fat mom in their group.” Wouldn’t you know all my worries become very clear when one of the moms approach me. As she looked me up and down, “Hey Cyndi, it is so good to see you! How are you doing? You look great! What have you been doing to lose weight?”
I was shocked and sad that this was the conversation we were having. I wasn’t losing weight, I wasn’t even thinking about it. But at this moment I questioned my whole body. It hurt my feelings. I was sad the rest of the day, and this comment affected my whole mood and the rest of the decisions I made that day. I questioned the way I looked and even stepped on the scale. I woke up the next day and decided it wasn’t going to be on my mind anymore. I just don’t think my weight is any other mom’s concern. I want mom friends, but not the ones who judge me for my biggest insecurity.
Are you guilty of passing judgment?
I know we all hear and feel different judgments, and they affect us all so differently.
“She can’t keep up with her kids, she looks lazy, she probably feeds her kids unhealthy foods as well, she should be more active.” All of these things I have heard, all of these things have hurt my feelings, and ALL of these judgments aren’t true.
“Is your kid at daycare all day?”
“I can’t believe she is feeding her child that unhealthy food.”
“Her kids can’t sit still at this restaurant.”
“Are you even watching your kid at the playground?”
“Stop looking at your phone and pay attention to your child.”
“Wow, you have 5 kids! It must be a sport now.”
“That is too much tablet time.”
The list goes on and on…
It doesn’t matter where you are, who you’re with or what’s around you. Judgment comes from all over. Friends, teachers, the lady at the park, and even your family. Even if it doesn’t change the way you parent, it still can hurt. I wish we were immune to the rude comments from others, but we aren’t. The hardest part of being a parent is supposed to be RAISING a good, kind, smart child. It’s not about having self-doubt over your parenting choices or yourself.
Enough is enough!!!
Being a mom is HARD. But being a mom that cares about others’ judgment is even harder. It’s like we are all given a title. I’m the fat mom, you’re the fit mom, the crafty mom, the stay at home mom, the working mom. What gives? I am a mom, that’s all I want to be, and a good one at that. Today’s world feels so negative and full of criticism. What it needs to be about is uplifting each other and telling each other when it gets hard, it’s ok. We are awesome parents and we can do it our way. Remember the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? I believe that and we need more of that. Let’s be the village, let’s reach out to other moms, lend a helping hand, and tell them “I’ve been there too.” Even if you haven’t, help that mom so they don’t feel so alone.
I’ve been judged. You have been judged; we have all felt judgment. But I’m working hard to be a good mom and so are YOU!