It was Sunday night. My husband and I had just finished putting the girls to bed and retreated to our bedroom. I started my wind-down routine while my husband queued up our latest tv show. We were lying in bed when he turned to me and said, “I want to watch a MasterClass about sex with you.” Ummaa…what?!
A million thoughts cycled through my head. Why do we need a class? Is our sex life not good enough? Am I not good enough? Are we losing our connection?
Once I got through the initial shock of his statement, I became curious. I asked him why we needed to watch a class on something we were doing just fine. He looked at me and I immediately understood. Our sex life shouldn’t be just fine, even if we have been married for seventeen years with three kids. It should be fun, exciting, and bring us closer together. Looking back, I wish we had watched the MasterClass sooner. I thought it might teach me different techniques for pleasing my husband, but here’s what I actually learned:
Communication is Key
This is not about dirty talk; it’s about being able to effectively communicate what you want and what you’re feeling physically and emotionally. The MasterClass provided us with a page filled with different positions, techniques (some we had to look up!), and props or toys. We went through the list separately confirming for ourselves which things were a yes, a no, or a maybe. We then reviewed our lists together.
This list provided us with a framework to have a conversation about the things we loved, which were hard no’s, and what new things we were interested in exploring together. After having this conversation, we found it was a lot easier to talk about our individual experiences before, during, and after sex.
Intimacy Isn’t Always Pretty
When you’re putting two human bodies together, things will not always go as planned. There are noises, fluids, and important re-adjustments. These things are all normal. The MasterClass reminded us that sex is never like what they show in movies or tv shows. It’s better. It’s creating and maintaining a connection during the physical act of love. It’s also being ok with and even laughing at the random bodily noise that escapes mid-coitus.
Toys Are Fun
Before taking this MasterClass, we had explored a little with a few toys. I can’t speak for my husband, but I felt that using toys took out some of the intimacy and romance. What I learned from the MasterClass is that toys are tools. Just like the tools in your garage, tools in your bedroom can help you accomplish a goal. They don’t take away from the process. In fact, toys enhance the sexual experience by helping you reach different levels of intimacy and pleasure. Plus, you’re creating a stronger connection with your partner because you’re exploring something new together.
Experiment with Curiosity
I’ve never been the type of person to take charge in the bedroom. If I didn’t experience pleasure, it was no big deal. My husband experienced it most times and that was enough for me. This MasterClass taught me that my pleasure was just as important as his. After taking the class, we started experimenting and exploring me together. At times, I felt awkward and completely outside of my comfort zone, but the experience brought us closer. We were both learning things about me that we never knew. Now, instead of sidelining my pleasure, we both ensure that it’s part of the big event.
In a world where so many couples are struggling to maintain and grow within their marriages, this MasterClass was pivotal in teaching me how to better connect with both my husband and myself. It taught me that it’s ok to want pleasure for myself and that it’s even sweeter when that pleasure comes from exploring together. It’s also taught me that intimacy is more than what happens between the sheets. It’s also laughing together until our sides hurt when we realize our contractor had a full view of last night’s sex toy on the bathroom counter.