In our society, the media tells us to go to college, find a fiance before graduation, marry, have children, and live happily ever after. Oh, and it’s crucial to do all of this pretty quickly because women’s maternal clocks are ticking!
All of my childhood I dreamed of love, marriage, and a couple of babies in a carriage. After high school, I set off to do those things. I met a man in college, fell in love, and had beautiful children.
Fast forward to present day and I’m a 35-year-old, happily divorced mother of three navigating this very unfamiliar thing called dating. It’s much different than I remember. I can literally sit in my bed, eat my chips and salsa, and swipe through dating profiles. As exciting as that sounds, I never would have thought I would log onto a dating site to “meet” someone, but it’s really not so bad. Despite how impersonal it is, it’s a great way to truly find what you are looking for as opposed to meeting some random stranger in the grocery store. I can match with people who share the same interests and beliefs before even meeting them in person, get to know them over the phone, and then decide whether or not to meet in person.
This is undoubtedly the best time to date. I’m in no hurry to do anything! I don’t have to worry about meeting someone within a certain time frame so that I can have kids by a certain point in my life. I have no timeline and no expectations other than to just meet new people and have fun. As a bonus, I might find a deep connection with someone.
My lack of urgency at this point in my life simply is because I’ve accomplished the things I wanted to do. I’ve graduated from college and have the career I always dreamed of. I’ve been married and had three beautiful children. I have a home sweet home where my kids and I are free to be ourselves. I love and enjoy my life.
Do I want the companionship of a man? Yes.
Do I want someone to go on adventures with someone while my kids are not with me? Absolutely!
But I don’t need to marry the first, cute, divorced dad who slides into my DMs. If I go on first dates that don’t turn into second dates, I’m okay with that. I know what I want and what I need in a partner. I can be selective in this weeding out process. I don’t have to settle or compromise because I’m not trying to get a ring by spring. I have time to get it right. I’ve been divorced once, and I certainly don’t want to go through that again. I’ve learned things from my failed marriage that will help me in a future relationship. I rediscovered my power and I’m going into this next chapter with confidence.
For right now, I get to enjoy my children and be momma while they’re with me. While they’re away, I can focus on embracing and enjoying this life with the potential of finding love again.