As the holidays approach I find there is a topic that weighs heavily on me, I have no home base and it feels pretty awful. It feels especially bad because I used to, and I know the joy and peace it brings me.
I thrive having a home near family and a certain level of consistency. A consistency so dull that to an outsider would appear incredibly boring.
My husband and I moved to Texas three years ago for his job. I gave up my job, moved away from family and said goodbye to friends. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but one that was best for my family.
Since living in Texas I decided not to go back to work and stay home with our three little kids. I have made new friends- quite possibly some of the best of my life. However, not having a home near family rips at me; especially this time of year.
We celebrate many holidays in my family, but Christmas has always been my favorite. I love going over the top with a huge tree, ridiculous decorations, lights everywhere- you get the idea. I have been like this ever since I was a kid.
Since moving to Texas, I have gone back “home” to California for every holiday. I no longer decorate my home; in fact my Christmas decorations have hardly left storage since the move. The year we did get a Christmas tree, it was more pathetic than Charlie Brown’s and I had it all cleaned up by the 2nd week of December before leaving for California.
It comes down to this, I can’t keep doing it. I hate traveling on holidays. I hate cramming my whole family into tiny guestrooms for 2 week visits, I hate shipping all gifts home because they wont fit in suitcases, I hate renting a car, I hate living out of a suitcase and I especially hate not buying all the amazing holiday décor at Target. Basically something needs to change, and I think it starts with me.
When do you stop old traditions and start making new? Do I bite the bullet and declare a home base away from family — buy a house, go back to work, really dig in roots with a permanent mentality? Or do I keep going with my transplant attitude? To me, there is no worse feeling than unsettled and every holiday season I am reminded just how unsettled I still am.
It’s cheesy, but home is where is the heart is. I promise never to have that embroidered on a pillow on my couch, but honestly when living a transplant lifestyle no words ring truer. Only problem, what do you do when your heart feels stuck between two homes?