Oh sex. The topic is as taboo as money and politics. Why though? I have sex. You have sex. We all have sex. And, let me tell you a secret. It can be ahhhhhmazing if you follow a few of the tips I’ve picked up as a sex-lovin’ lady.
Ready for sex tips from your very normal, but happy, mom next door?
Use the right lube.
Ever wondered what lubricant to buy as you browse the online aisle of Target (heaven forbid the cashier knows you may get it on tonight)? Or maybe you saw the 204 options at a sex shop and don’t know where to start?
Here are a few quick tips: In general, lube is a personal preference based on your body’s natural lubricant and the type of sex you’re having. I’ve found that a liquid personal lube (like this one Astroglide Liquid Water-Based Personal Lube) is great for intercourse as it can help with dryness or pain and can be helpful with hand play. Thinner, water-based lubricants are easy to clean up but will need to be applied often if longevity is the goal.
Thicker gel-based lubricants (Astroglide Water-Based Gel Personal Lube) are much slicker and intended for longer-lasting performance.
Silicone-based lubricants are also available if you plan to have sex in or around water. Silicone-based won’t need as much reapplication as water-based lubricants but will need more cleanup. Silicone-based lube is also not recommended if you enjoy silicone-based toys! They become sticky over time, harder to clean, and can increase the chance for bacteria to grow.
Remember, you don’t need anything fancy or a brand name. I’ve personally never liked tingling or flavored lubricants, but they’re available if you want to try them.
Get your panties out of a wad and have some fun! Scared? Don’t be. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again and can say, “Nah, I’m not down with that.” You know how we tell our kids every day to try new foods, and if they don’t like it, at least they tried? The same rule applies with sex. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. Anal? Sure, try it once. Tie up and gag? Wigs and leather? Whatever floats your boat. Why not? What’s the worst that can happen? You don’t like it. That’s just fine. Why say no to something “just because” when it can be the most insanely awesome feeling in the world?
A few toys to try:
- Rope and ties – Head to the garage and grab a rope. You don’t need anything fancy to tie-up someone’s hands or feet.
- Wartenberg wheel
- Video camera – Buy a small, cheap camera to only use in the bedroom. Film, watch and then delete.
- Anything leather
- Multiple vibrators – Try a few different ones. Again, some you might like, some you might not. Try a simple wand massager or Bunny to get you started.
Get Nasty, but be Clean
Sorry to say it, but sex is messy. Take a bath and make your partner clean up before any sexual activity.
Your partner does not care that your legs aren’t shaved and he doesn’t care your vajayjay looks wonky post-kids. He wants YOU! But, doing things that make YOU feel more comfortable is good. I like soft music on so I don’t hear outside noise (distraction really takes the mood down a notch!). I like the covers pulled down in a very organized way (I can’t have sloppy covers messin’ with my mojo).
Have an Alter Ego
You know how athletes prepare for a big game? They have music that pumps them up and a name that inspires ooooomph. Ever heard of Sasha Fierce? Channel that.
What song pumps you up? Heavy metal? Rap? Brittany Spears? What’s a name you could give your sexual self? Having an alter ego can also turn into role play. Maybe your own twin who’s a little wilder than your sister? Or your partner’s “twin” comes to give you a massage? Try pretending to be the virgin or the nurse or the nerd who loves Minecraft. You may be surprised at what an Oscar-winning actress you can become!
Say yes, say no. Ask to go slower. Have a post-romp pillow chat after you try something new and ask your partner about what you liked, loved, and things that were, well… just not your thing.
Remember… the laundry, dishes, and your favorite Real Housewives can wait. Spend some time connecting with your partner and use a few of these tips to help make this normal, sometimes routine experience a little more fun and exciting!